Love conquers all?

My relationship has come to an end. It is incredibly saddening and devastating to see something you've worked incredibly hard and invested so much of your soul into fall appart. However, God knows that we've tried everything. The hardest part for me to accept that love doesn't always conquer all. And in ways I still believe it does. I just know now that this may not have been the right kind of love to conquer our problems.

I put my faith entirely in God that He will guide me where and to whom I belong when the time is right. Meanwhile, I learn from every love gained and lost. From my ex, I  have learned to let the past go, let lost loves be lost and truly give yourself to your present. (Ironic much?) I have learned that having standards is good and that one should not sacrifice what feels right for what feels good. I became a Muslim with his help and support and will continue to be one with His Love and Support.

Because in the end, that's what always holds true: God's Love conquers all or at the very least God's will, and since I believe in a God that is Most Compasionate, Most Merciful (Ar-Rahman, Ar-Rahim) I believe His will is one of Love. So I continue my journey through faith, through love, through life better, stronger, grown of my love for a man which has nurtured my love for the Creator.

May God keep us both happy and succesful, lead us to the straight path and lead us not astray.

Amen.

Get to know me #1 - Why I chose Islam

So many have asked me that I decided to give one clear answer to you all... clear-ish. I'm still not quite sure myself what really happened that made me Muslim, all I know is that it feels right, answers most of my questions about religion and that it fits with everything I believe.

A Muslim message of Peace on Spirit Day

To whom beauty is beheld

I have been wearing hijab everyday for a few months now, and scarcely for about a year. Those who see me in hijab have seen me as oppressed, beautiful and sometimes still too scandalous. I am proud of my body. Proud of my accomplishments. While I do have some less-than-glamorous moments, I am not ashamed of anything. That is why, for a very long time, professional photographies of my hijab style were posted alongside professional photographies of myself in a bikini, in poses made to showcase my tattoed ribs.

Beauty is subjective. Each and everyone of us will define beauty in their own way. Nothing reflects more the individualistic perspective of beauty than Rule 34. Yes, I'm referring to the concept of "if it exists, there's porn of it". The reality is that humans are able to see beauty and even sexuality in almost everything. (Sometimes to the disgust of others, but who's keeping count?)

We are all able to perceive beauty. In the same realm of reality, we are also all able to exhalt beauty. THAT is where I'm going with this: our ability to be beautiful and to be perceived as beautiful.
Today I have discussed (argued) my desire to wear hijab. Today, I have also watched a rant from a self-proclaimed obese woman who talked about assuming your weight and more importantly to stop assuming others' weight as something undesirable. I've also read today an article on the target put on female genitalia by the beauty industry, a story which has in many ways made me rethink the beauty industry as a whole. However, the inspiration for this article from somewhere else altogether, a comment by a fellow group member amused by multiple women ouuuh-and-ahhh-ing at a beautiful dress. She wrote clandestinely that it was funny to see our reaction and that, clearly, us women like to shop.

This gave me pause. My first thought was to think that our desire to shop was prompted by the availability of a wide range of options -- in many regards, our selection is vastly greater than that of our male counterparts -- but then I wondered: why is there such a disparity of options. For centuries, western societies have been patriarch; therefore, if desire for beauty was to come from availability, shouldn't ment have created greater beauty products then women when they had the power to do so? That's when it hit me: the beauty industry was not created for those who wish to BE beautiful, but for those who wish to SEE beauty.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, then it is time that we stop trying to look at ourselves with someone else's eyes. To achieve standards of beauty established by someone else is frivolous and ludicrous, for laws of nature dictates that we are all unique and therefore, can only behold what is unique to ourselves.

So here it is, the truth afterall. Hijab, no hijab, bikini, tattoos, overweight, skinny, we are, for all matters of purposes, "beholdable".

Between thankful and mindful

I've never been much of a fan of Thanksgiving (Canadian Thanksgiving corresponds to Columbus Day in the United States). There are two parts to Thanksgiving: the first is the celebration of the discovery of the land, when we slaughtered, imprisoned and enslaved Aboriginal people claiming property over their land simply because we judged ourselves more civilized than them. The second is a Christian/pagan holiday thanking God for the harvest. I don't know how many Canadians are still farmers but I can tell you that it does not quite justify the 3 million turkeys consumed each Thanksgiving in Canada alone.

Of course, Thanksgiving has grown into a cultural holiday as well where thank "X" for the food, shelter and loved ones. I don't mean to deprive anyone from that or to undermine this celebration in any way, but I think that as adults and as educated people, we need to recognize the religious and colonialist background of the "holidays" we celebrate.

With that in mind, I want to say that I am thankful. Thankful that the internet is a place where I can rant freely about the annoyances of the world. Thankful that the annoyances of the world do not in any way overwhelm the beauties and graces of it. Thankful that I have great people to share the world with:  good, bad and ugly as it may be! Thankful that I live a peaceful life where my biggest possible worry is whether I will have enough internet data to watch The Big Bang Theory online.

I know and I am mindful that all of these priviledges have come at a great price for many MANY people and so to the generations of aboriginal people who have suffered under my white priviledged ancestors, I am sorry. I would also like to apologize to all the non-christians who have suffered under my Catholic-supremacist ancestors here in Canada and elsewhere in the world.

For my Muslim brothers and sisters who judge innapropriate for me to celebrate a holiday based on christianity and on colonialism: I am not so sorry. It is our diversity and freedom which makes me so thankful on a day like today to call myself Canadian, so I am not so sorry that even though I am aware and mindful of the religous and colonial roots, I am still proud to celebrate CANADIAN Thanksgiving.

On home and family

The Qu'ran mentions in many parts the importance of family, of treating parents and spouses with dignity and respect. About a thousand kilometers stand between me and most of my family members, which on a daily basis is not a bad thing but once in a while it is great to find yourself surrounded by those who love you dearly. 

I recently travelled to visit my mom in my hometown for her birthday. I had a love-hate relationship with my mom, my town and my extended family for most of my life, in no small part due to my strong opinions and my stubborn desire to stand up to authority. I recently converted to Islam and I don he hijab daily, I was nervous at the idea of bringing my new faith and my new style to a place that has been less than kind to me over the years. I dragged my boyfriend along for a well-deserved vacation and for moral support.

They say home is where the heart is, well, I realized this week that my heart was never in the right place before. Growing up in my hometown I felt secluded, rejected, unloved and I longed for a place of acceptance.Visiting it this week brought me a new perspective. Most of those who troubled me as a child have moved on -- I assume to troubling others. Those who were left behind are mainly irrelevant, irrelevant in meaning that they were not meaningful to the years of pain I lived through, and with my man by my side, I felt they were invisible.

My mother and I have long ago mended our broken relationship troubled by mistrust and misguided kindness; we learned through experience to love and care for one another in ways which are both productive and effective.

Remained my extended family. I often feel like it would take a miracle for me to live up to their expectations to which they hardly live up to themselves. My superhero boyfriend helped me there once again, whether it was keeping it cool when an uncle asked what is job was "if he even has a job" or holding my hand in sympathy when a cousin asked sarcastically if my hijab was a new city trend.

I realize today that I chose what "home" means to me. My mother, my boyfriend, the ocean front of my hometown, that is my definition of "home". While I can't always have all three at once, I can live knowing that either of these is at proximity and live with the comfort that one way or another, I can always "come home".

The Right to Doubt

I have been raised to think critically about what I am told, to look and wait for sensible quantifiable proof. For many, belief in a higher power goes against this. As I stated on my blog before, I find that the world is full of "coincidences" that can but only point to an intelligent design. So yes, I believe in God. The Beneficient and Merciful Creator in which I believe would provide guidance to its creation via scripture and people to propagate this message. I have always had this concept of the Divine and have always held on to that belief.

Islam came into my life slowly but surelyin droplets and waves. As a modern thinker and an intelligent woman, I have come to think critically about many aspects of life, including my faith. My belief in God has never changed, but instead was confirmed by the teachings of Islam. When all is said and done, I firmly believe in God and in the message of the prophets of God. The Golden Rule is my guide: to do he right I want others to do for me and avoid the evil which I want others to avoid doing to me. Some people may call this common sense, but 24 years of live and frequenting people from all walks of life have taught me that common sense is the least common of all senses.

This story was told to me a while back:
A ship with a crew of Muslim men was stranded on a Island. On this Island lived a young woman, who had been left alone on the Island by mysterious tragedy. While the crew worked on fixing the ship, she cooked for them and offered them shelter, in exchange, they taught them all they knew about Islam. The young woman was eager to learn and absorbed as much as she could.
The ship was finally fixed a few days later, and the crew decided to set sail that evening. As they headed towards the beach, the young woman came running towards them, asking them to show her one more time how to do the ritualistic cleansing (wu'du). They showed her. As they were gathering on the coast to leave, she came running to them again, asking them to show her one more time how to make obligatory prayers (salaat). They showed her. As they embarked the ship, and started to sail away, she came running to them again, asking them to show her one more time how to make prayers (du'a). The crew was in shock to see her running over the water, much like the miracle attributed to prophet Jesus (Isa) pbuh.
They asked the young woman how she was able to walk on water, she answered that in all of her years on the Island, she had been speaking to God on a regular basis and this ability was a gift He had bestowed upon her. The Muslims quickly told the girl to forget all that they had taught her and to simply continue what she was doing before they came along; if she had a special relationship with God, surely He knew best.

To me, that is true faith: realizing that, in reality, only God knows. Only God knows what He truly wishes for us in our worship, only God knows what rules are truly best for humanity, only God knows what interpretation of His message truly fits with His vision for us. I have encountered people from many denominations and various religions which have a very static view of their faith. Where the interpretations held by scholars are believed to be indeniably correct, unquestionable and undoubtable. They will call non-Christian, non-Muslim, non-religious, anyone and everyone who doubts or questions those interpretations. I disagree.

It is human nature to doubt and question. It is also human nature to make mistakes. Prophet Mohammed (pbuh) even said that he was not free of mistake and that everything he said which was correct was from God and everything which was incorrect was from himself, for God makes no mistake. Yet, many Muslims claim that prophets were infallible. With all of this in mind, how can intelligent, critical people not question interpretations?

I find pretentious and even perhaps foolish for someone to claim with certainty that their interpretations or the interpretation they follow is flawless. I understand that not everyone will agree with me, but I want to be allowed to doubt and question elements of my religion without being called a disbeliever or without my faith being questioned: I am a believer, I am a follower of God's teachings sent via his messengers. Just because my interpretation of Islam does not fit the small, restrictive box created by some and labelled Islam does not mean that I am any less of a Muslim. So I ask, allow me to doubt, and if you truly fear for my faith, pray to God that He gives me guidance, because all in all He knows best.